


just a touch of melancholy

by ohmygodwhy



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: First Impressions, M/M, Mid-Canon, this roll isn't over yet, turning into a multi-chapter thing i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-23 08:31:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3761638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmygodwhy/pseuds/ohmygodwhy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Nico is small- small and slightly unsettling, with a dangerous aura about him and dark dark eyes that are both sharp and hazy and Jason isn’t sure what to make of him."</p><p>Snapshots of Jason's ever-changing opinion</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> i can't write jason to save my life he is a blond enigma

  

Nico is small, Jason first notices; he looks like he could snap in half at any moment, like one wrong word could shatter the already cracked glass of his eyes. He’s small, standing propped against the wall with Hazel at his shoulder, holding him steady and leaning in to listen to the faint whispers of his voice when he talks.

“Thank you,” he mumbles later, voice cracking with the after effects of near suffocation, and eyes drifting quickly and uncomfortably from person to person, “…I had given up hope,”

And it’s evident, from the way he can barely stand and they way his breathe catches when he tells them- tells Percy mostly- about what had happened (the name sends shivers down his spine- _Tartarus-_ and he can’t bring himself to think about what might have been down there), that Nico had reluctantly accepted his fate- he had thought he was going to die, and his eyes don’t hold as much hope from being saved as they should.

Nico is small- small and slightly unsettling, with a dangerous aura about him and dark dark eyes that are both sharp and hazy and Jason isn’t sure what to make of him.

He’s a little suspicious of him, yeah- passing from camp to camp and keeping both of them a secret is something he can understand, in hindsight; trying to prevent a war is something they all would have done. But the little mix-up he had with his memories not so long ago has taught him to be on guard to strangers. And Nico di Angelo- with the wicked silver ring he idly twists and his terrifying sword and all the secrets and stories and sights he probably has locked up in his head- is definitely strange.

 

The dreams Jason has that night are strange too (though when are they not?), and his mental clock is set somewhere around one in the morning when he blinks awake. He can hear the water moving and splashing against the side of the ship and smell the salty air that seemed to make its way in despite his best intentions. With the weight of whatever forgotten dream he had pressing in from above, and the impending sense of doom at their destination filling the room, he decides- against the protest of his eyelids- to take something of a walk to help ease his restlessness- just a quick trip to the bathroom, really.

The halls are dark and the corners are darker, and he almost jumps out of his skin when he turns a corner and almost collides with the (small) figure of Nico di Angelo- who doesn’t seem to have noticed his presence at all. His face is clouded in the dark, but he looks frantic, worried, shoulders drawn up tightly as if strung together by wire as he hurries along the corridor without making a sound.

Jason makes a sound though- by accident. One of the floorboards creaks under his foot and Nico freezes, spinning around with his hand flying to grasp at the handle of his sword, and doesn’t relax in the slightest when he realizes who it is. If anything, his wire-strung shoulders pull closer together and he stares, eyes wide and surprised and guarded. And Jason feels rooted to the spot by those eyes; if he looks close enough they’re almost glinting, wavering between fatigue and uncertainty and something like _fear_ \- and then they’re gone; Nico turns away as quickly as he’d spun around, and his footsteps don’t hold any weight as he disappears down the hallway.

 

Jason doesn’t ask questions the next morning, doesn’t make hints of anything happening at all (and really, why would he? there’s nothing incredibly odd about getting up at night- but something in Nico’s gaze had startled him, and if he didn’t know any better he would think the son of Hades had been _afraid_ for a moment, afraid of being attacked or yelled at or _something_ ), because those dark dark eyes won’t quite meet his from across the table. Those dark dark eyes stare vaguely out at the ocean from his seat up in his new perch.

Nico is small, all skin and bones jutting out from underneath his jacket, just a splotch of black against the sky from down on the deck, with dark dark eyes that seem to be taking in everything and nothing at all and Jason isn’t sure what to make of him.

 


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nico is strong and Nico is small, and Jason wonders vaguely if he hates him for this.

Nico is strong, Jason notices next, surprisingly so. His small figure holds more power and _emotion_ than should be possible (though almost everything about him verges on the edge of impossible). He’s strong, and Jason finds out in the most unexpected of ways.

 

The island of Croatia is relatively small, with tourists and buildings and scenic views he would probably stop to take pictures of if they had the time and a camera. There’s the chill of the angel’s ice cream, and the chill of the air that nearly seems to still when they’re presented with their obstacle- one that’s fairly straightforward and definitely not the worst thing that could happen. But Nico’s wire-strung shoulders are back and his face is more clouded with worry than their brief encounter in the hallway and Jason doesn’t see the big deal.

But it’s a bigger deal than he ever would have guessed. Nico yells and denies and denies and yells and fights and tries to hide, his carefully crafted stone defenses cracking and falling to pieces when he realizes he can’t run away.

Nico is strong, power emanating and flowing in waves and waves from his quivering body (filled with glimpses of a life Jason feels almost feels guilty for seeing, feels like he’s intruding on something he was never supposed to see, that no one was ever supposed to see), and whether it’s anger or terror causing his legs to shake he isn’t sure; it could very well be both.

Nico is strong, holding a secret inside of his heart for years, hating it and hating _him_ and hating himself. Nico is strong, spitting words like bleach from his mouth that crack halfway out of it and seem to shake him to the core.

And Cupid is cruel. And this is wrong. This is so very wrong and this isn’t fair and Jason understands- and also understands that he can’t understand, that he’ll never understand everything Nico feels and he not sure if he even wants to.

Nico is strong, and also incredibly weak, eyeing Jason like he’s afraid he’ll be attacked, afraid he’ll be hated ( _fear_ again- something he never would have thought possible from the stories, incredibly one-sided stories, Percy and Annabeth had told). His shoulders hunch like he’s ready to take a hit, and he looks far too surprised when Jason doesn’t raise his hand- surprised to the point of sadness and this whole situation is sad. Nico’s eyes are sad, rimmed with red and black and it’s then that Jason remembers that hey, he’s fourteen years old. He’s fourteen years old and he has the dark dark eyes of someone haunted by things unimaginable- and he supposes he is.

 

Nico is strong, but his strength is visibly fading, and Jason’s afraid he might collapse if he uses his power again.

Nico is strong and Nico is small, and Jason wonders vaguely if he hates him for this (a small part of him hopes that he doesn’t).

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying out the blond enigma again; I wanted to test out more of Jason's pov and thought this could be a good way to continue


	3. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He’s kind and strong and much too small, and Jason hopes that someone will return that kindness."

 

 The next thing Jason notices is that Nico is kind. Not in the most obvious ways, not in a way most people would notice- in a way that Nico himself may not even notice.

And Jason doesn’t mean to notice, doesn’t mean to think about it- but he’s been thinking too much lately (about the incoming war and the state of the world and damn Mother Nature who’s supposed to be more motherly and less of a destructive force of nature), and his mind has drifted back to the boy sitting with his glass eyes trained on the ocean before them too many times not to.

Nico is kind in the gentle way he talks to his sister, in the small gestures of affection he gives here and there that stretch beyond expectation. He’s kind in the way he sticks to determinately to the promise he threw over the edge for Percy to catch as he fell.

He’s kind, and he’s _too_ kind, kind to the point of complete disregard of himself and his own wellbeing (when was the last time he ate, Jason wants to ask; when was the last time he laughed and smiled like a kid his age; when was the last time anyone had treated him with the same level of kindness- and why does Jason care so much?), to the point of self-deprecation. To the point where he feels the need to distance himself, to threaten- _promise_ \- to _leave._

(The night after they argue up in the king of the wind’s castle, Nico doesn’t come down for dinner. It’s nothing new, nothing to write home about, but it’s cold outside and Nico left his jacket hanging on the back of his empty chair, and Jason is reminded of thin thin arms and dark dark eyes and quiet quiet promises).

He’s kind in the way he cheers Frank on and beams at Hazel, in the way he watches Percy and Annabeth from the corner of his eye without a drop of loathing in his expression (Jason wonders if maybe he’s just gotten good at concealing it). He’s kind in the way he offers to take on a burden that could very well kill him.

He’s kind to the point of self-destruction, and that’s not the type of kindness Jason is sure can be called admirable anymore (he wonders when he started thinking of Nico di Angelo as admirable; he wonders why anyone wouldn’t).

Nico is kind and strong and much too small, and Jason hopes that someone will return that kindness; he hopes that Nico will be kind enough to let them, hopes that fate will be kind to all of them, and hopes that he’ll get the chance to see that kindness again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The blond enigma strikes again (honestly, I'm just using him as an excuse to pour out all my love for my tiny son).
> 
> Not particularly pleased with how this one turned out, but I tried.


	4. IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But Nico is brave, choosing not to run, not to hide,"

 

Nico is brave, Jason notices (thought it’s not really _noticing_ anymore, the fact simply _is-_ it’s surprising he hasn’t taken note of it sooner, really), maybe one of the bravest people Jason knows.

The years (and years and years Jason wants to know about, know more about than the vague stories and biased accounts he’s heard) of living on his own have shaped him, worn his edges away into a rough outline of what he used to be (or at least what Jason pictured he used to be- it’s hard to imagine Nico as a happy smiling kid and he finds that sad). Tartarus has shaped him- he can see it in his dark dark eyes and too-small figure and jittery fingers that never seem to stop moving.

And it’s rather fitting, he thinks, that Nico is the one to stand with Reyna on the battlefield- two brave brave heroes that achieved the impossible (his heart lifts when he sees Nico alive and fighting on the front lines, swinging and slashing with a force that probably would have terrified him if he were on the opposing side). 

Nico is brave, greeting him with a casual nod that leaves him with a sense of satisfaction (Nico isn’t eyeing him uneasily or avoiding him like he would a bully- Jason’s never felt like he had to _earn_ the right to talk to someone, but Nico seems almost comfortable in his presence and it makes him feel unusually proud of himself). He runs off and there’s an explosion in the sky, an explosion that ends the war and catches Leo in the crossfire (a part of him knows that he’s dead, and another part insists that he’s not, that he can’t be, that he and his smile can’t be wiped from the Earth as easily as the flames he controls).

 

(He’s overwhelmed with numbers- of the dead, of the living, of the injuries and repairs and tears, and he’s running and comforting and trying to hold things together. He doesn’t catch a glimpse of Nico, and although he knows he didn’t die, that quiet quiet promise rests in the back of his mind: _what if he leaves? what if he’s already left?)._

 

But Nico is brave, choosing not to run, not to hide, choosing to stay in a place where he doesn’t quite fit in, doesn’t quite call home yet, choosing to face years and years of self-loathing and choosing by himself (Jason had come fully prepared to argue to his last breath, but those breaths weren’t needed). He’s brave, confronting his crippling secret head on (a surprise to Jason, who was told later by a still-confused son of the sea and Annabeth, who didn’t really seem confused at all).

Nico is brave, and very small in his arms when he gets to hug him for the first time (Jason’s a touchy-feely person anyways, but this feels like another accomplishment), very strong in the way he withstands the force of that hug, and very kind in the way he smiles at him and confirms that yes, he’s staying.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the blond enigma is back, though I'm not particularly pleased with this one either.
> 
> honestly, I'm super surprised with this response this has been getting, thank you all v much wow


	5. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Nico is cute, and Jason still isn’t quite sure what to make of him."

 

Nico is cute. It hits Jason like a slap to the face one day when Nico is laughing (and laughing and laughing because he’d finally heard the famous stapler story and had been _very_ amused to know his scar hadn’t been the result of a battle), trying and failing to stop it by covering his mouth with the back of his hand and nearly loosing his breath and that’s when Jason decides that Nico has a very nice laugh.

He’s cute, in the most innocent of ways- the way he runs his hand through his messy hair when he’s nervous or frustrated, the way his jacket is still the slightest bit too big for him, the way he rolls his eyes and has a dry or sarcastic reply to anything thrown at him (like he has them stored away in the back of his mind for good use). The way he drinks his coffee like it’s the antidote to the poison of sleep (Jason isn’t particularly fond of the stuff himself), the way he bites his lip when he’s thinking, and the way his eyebrows seem to convey more emotion than most people can show on their face (though it’s mostly annoyance or exasperation in multiple forms).

And when he smiles- _really_ smiles (which is becoming more and more frequent and makes him look more like a kid his age and less like a battered two-time war veteran)- it practically lights up the room, drowning out the shadows he tries so hard to conceal himself in (and Jason is _very_ much aware that he sounds like either a mother or a pining school girl, and is even more aware of the fact that he’s aware and not doing anything about it).

Nico is cute, and doesn’t flinch anymore when Jason slings his arm over his shoulder (after asking permission of course- the privileges are short lived and not often, but he feels something in his heart swell when the boy’s shoulders feel much fuller than they had a few months ago and Nico looks at him with dark dark eyes that hold something like fondness in their gleam).

Nico is cute, and flushes a bright bright red that clashes with his dark hair when Jason forgets to turn off the switch between his mind and his mouth and lets that small thought slip out.

Nico is cute- and small and strong and kind and brave and very very flustered and looks torn between wanting to run and punching Jason in the face (he does neither). 

Nico is cute, and Jason still isn’t quite sure what to make of him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeez, Jason is such a sap
> 
> Overall, i think exploring him and his pov was actually pretty fun; thanks for reading!


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